I Don't Get It

“Nothing could be as hard as middle school.” –Zooey Deschanel

There are many things I don’t understand about middle school—things no one really understands like why they smell the way they do, why some of them are haven’t started to grow yet and some are over six feet tall, and exactly why they react to things the way they do.  But there are two really strange things I don’t understand about my specific kids, and they are as a different from one another as the populations they represent.

The first is something that at first really annoyed me.   Many, almost all, of my minority students—my Hispanic students and my African American students—call me “Miss.”  Not Ms. Short, just Miss.  And often times it’s “Miss! Miss! Miss!” in rapid succession.  I thought at first that they didn’t know my name and that they were saying the first part of my name until they could locate my last name in their brain.  But after asking in what I’m sure was an annoyed voice—after all I was annoyed—what my name was, they could all say “Ms. Short” almost immediately.  So it wasn’t that they weren’t sure of my name.  It’s that they think that the appropriate and respectful way to address a teacher or an adult is to just say “Miss.” And if they really want my attention it’s “Miss! Miss! Miss!” because then they’ve asked three times for my attention.  They aren’t stuttering or struggling, they think they’ve called me to them thrice.  Which I suppose I’m learning to deal with, but still strikes me as odd and I really wish it weren’t uber-respectful in their minds.  At least I don’t have any of them who call me “Teacher” the way that some kids over the summer did to friends of mine.

The other issue is just weird and doesn’t have anything to do with being respectful to me; it’s just strange.  I have a few boys—not a ton, but definitely a consistent few--who wear a special kind of shorts almost every day.  Friday, one of them was wearing a light, pastel pink version of these shorts.  They’re called Chubbies and they are perhaps the most ridiculous fashion statement a man could make.  So on a middle school man-child, they are even more absurd than usual. 

If you aren’t familiar with the short-shorts known as Chubbies, they are intended to come to about mid-thigh on men and they have elastic waistbands and they also are generally made in noticeable colors or prints.  One of the most famous ones are the ‘Merica shorts that are an American flag (see them here http://www.chubbiesshorts.com/collections/the-originals/products/mericas).  The entire concept of them visually is strange, although I suppose if you’re an adult male and you want to spend a lot of money on these shorts, I suppose that’s your prerogative.  The really strange thing to me is that middle school boys own them. Which means their parents are purchasing them for them. 

Why do men wear these shorts?

The part that really sets me over the edge is looking at the website where one could purchase a pair of these shorts.  The culture they represent seems to be future, current, and former frat boys.  The worst stereotypes of frat boys.  If you look at the website you’ll find that these shorts are designed to help you get laid and it outright states that any sexual relations you have after purchasing a pair of Chubbies are directly related to said ownership.    So truthfully, harmless enough in general among stupid adult males who think they are being funny and embodying a certain culture that (hopefully) they will someday grow out of.  But why on earth are there several 13 year old boys who not only know about them, but own multiple pairs of these shorts?  They don’t actually even get the reference of why these are called chubbies, and when we told them to look it up on urban dictionary at home, rather than being scarred by it, they didn’t really seem to care all that much.  And even as it’s getting cold outside (it was in the 30s this morning) they are still wearing them.  Apparently on Fridays they wear Chubbies.

Kids are crazy.  They will always do things I just don’t understand.  They’ll do things that they look back on and think, “What was I thinking? That was stupid!” At least I hope they will.