Chiseled, or the Meg(h)ans Workout

"If you still look cute at the end of your workout, you haven't gone hard enough."

A week ago Megan and I joined a gym for a month with a Groupon because we wanted to try some fun classes.  Naturally, we decided to ease into the idea with a class that sounded manageable, and so we went to CHISEL. 

After an extremely efficient, unnaturally fit, woman with a George Hamilton tan checked us in, she gave Megan and I detailed instructions about how to get to the group fitness room. 

“Do you know where we’re going?” Megan asked me.

“No, of course not.  I just nodded, but she lost me after turn right.”
“I thought she said turn left.”

“Umm…”

We got to class a little late to find them throwing tennis balls at the mirror in the front of the classroom.  Somehow I was expecting CHISEL to involve lots of weights, probably some grunting and lots of difficult sculpting reps. There were lots of reps, but we didn’t lift weights--we swung yoga mats and then went in a line pretending to be an elephant or a frog.   All while somehow actually feeling muscles working.

Then, our fiftyish, incredibly fit, instructor started giving us options.  Our first option was to leap frog over our partner, our second was to give a piggyback ride.  Somehow Megan convinced me that we wanted to do the piggyback ride, but I was nervous.  Not about carrying her, that was fine; I was scared that instead of hitching a ride, I would crush her.  Never mind that she was a lacrosse goalie for Virginia Tech.   We moved on, and I was just grateful Megan didn’t make us do the fireman’s carry later.

The options didn’t stop though.  By the time we were well into the ab section of the workout I would watch Option A, B, and C in the vain hope that they would get easier. 

They didn’t. 

When I looked at Meg, after seeing Option C be a plank, then a pushup, a quick back roll with knees in the air to another pushup and plank, she captured it perfectly, “Option A.  Always Option A.”

But we made it through and could still walk the next day.  Success.

A few days later we headed to spin class.  Neither of us had ever been to one, but people rave about them.  We entered the small room filled with black lights and tried to look like we knew what we were doing.  Within about a minute the instructor looked at us on the bikes and said, “You’re new, right?”

She adjusted our bikes, explained what numbers she would be calling out, and gave us a few pointers. 

After the hour was up, I was very ready to be done.  My thighs and calves were ready to be done.  But even more, my feet were ready to be done after the pressure of the pedal on my instep (I totally understood those weird clicky shoes!) and most of all, my butt was ready to be done.  I could not sit on the bike seat anymore.  I actually didn’t want to sit on anything because I could still feel exactly where that bike seat had been.  And would every time I sat down for days.

 “How do people do this?” I asked Megan.

“Padded spandex,” she advised.  I could only imagine how heavily padded my spandex would have to be for me to feel comfortable.  Not attractive.

Tonight Megan and I went to Cardio Kickboxing. 

No sitting in this class.  Praise the Lord.

We had our ridiculously fit CHISEL instructor again tonight, and he put us through our paces with jabs, crosses, hooks, and uppercuts. And I was hitting hard—at least the couple of times I clipped myself accidentally seemed to hurt.  We kicked to the side, to the front and jump-kicked.  We ran laps as a break and jumped rope.  And so of course we left dripping sweat.

“I like kickboxing,” I told Megan, “but it always makes me think I could kick just about anyone’s ass.”

“I know!” she replied.

“But only as long as I could do the same move over and over again.”

“Stay still while I finish this combination!  Four more times!”

We haven’t had to kick anyone’s ass since class a few hours ago, but anyone who was willing to let us do the same move for 8, 16, or 24 times in a row would be in a lot of trouble.

Three class down.  Megan has made it our goal to make it to every class in our month membership.  Another couple dozen to go.